I shed a tear this morning after reading the front article in the Living section on battered women.
This week is Prevention of Violence Against Women Week, and I think I'm going to spend (at least today) being thankful of what a great thing I have here with Dan. I've never been as bad off as the article relates, but it came uncomfortably close to true in places.
~~~
There were the times I'd been manipulated to have sex against my will.
The times when I had an escape route planned in case he came home coked up and wanting to shoot things again.
The time he put a friends' head through the wall and then hit him with a pipe. Then used me as an alibi.
The times when I would be given courage from my girlfriends, only to have it mentally and verbally beaten from me when I got home.
The times he cheated on me in my own home and then acted like it didn't matter.
The times that he borrowed money/used my bank card/pawned my stuff without asking.
The times he put holes in the walls.
The times he got off on asphyxiation and hair pulling.
The bubble of fear in my stomach whenever I walked in the door.
The taste of blood in my mouth.
The silence, the depression, the self-hate, the embarrassment.
~~~
Please read the article if you have the chance. And speak to your girlfriends and spouses, I think you'll realize that the problems are tragically more wide spreed then is apparent. Don't discount anything said, it all adds up. It all means something if it's being talked about.
And just to clarify, none of this has ever happened between Dan and I. It is a mosaic of things I have experienced with a few different men and is by no means an example of the good ones I've dated...just the worst ones. This is only a few of the examples that I can come up with from my own life. I like to think that I was smart to leave whenever I did, but it was a hard choice every time.
Every single time.
My heart goes out to those who haven't made it out yet.
~~~
I love you Dan. Thanks for being a normal, well-adjusted guy. Thanks for being boring...or at least having reasonable flaws. Thanks for loving me.
*sniff* Damn, I'm crying again :)
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